And here we go…

My family and I were invited up to our friends’ lake house.  It was going to be a beautiful weekend so why not.  We get there unload the car, got into the swimsuits, put the sun block on and away we go.  Now, there were 95 steps down to the boat house from the house.  The reason I know that is because I carried a cooler that had 2 cases of beer, soda, fruit, ice and everything else we needed so I wouldn’t have to go back up.  Get down to the boat house set the cooler down open a beer and now its time to relax.  The kids all start swimming and the adults start drinking.  There were some that didn’t drink so they could watch the kids.  Now on to the relaxing, yeah right.  All the beer was gone within 3 hrs, BUT there was a shit load of liquor.  And now the fun begins… now the courage juice is starting to kick in and I am feeling stupid.  We were doing flips off the dock, belly flops, you know the normal stuff.  Then I look up, the boat house is two stories high with the water around 15 ft deep.  HELL YEAH!!!!!!  So I was having fun and so was everyone else because I became there personal entertainment.   I get out and sit down for some food when someone has the great idea of “lets go wakeboarding”.  The next thing I knew is my hand was up in the air over my head.  I don’t know how it got there, no one lifted it up, it was just up there.  My hand was shouting out ME, ME but in my mind when I saw what it had just done I was shouting NO, NO!!!!  Well, now I had to because I cant just back down.  That and my son was looking at me like I was the worlds coolest dad for being able to wakeboard.  The thing is, I can’t.  I was handed a vest and the board.  What happened from that point on just kept getting worse.  The board had size 10 boots, I have size 13 feet, “We can get them to fit”, my buddy tells me.  It took 5 min and 2 people to get one foot in.  I am sure you can figure out how the other one went.  Now that my toes are purple and everyone is in tears, time to shred.  They tell me that the best way to start is from seating on the dock with the board in the water.  OK!!!!!!!!!   I got up when he took off but I also had splinters sticking out of my ass because I didn’t stand up fast enough.  I also notice that I was standing just like I was wearing a pair of skies, that would be the wrong way.  Just then the edge griped the water and down I went, face first.  SLAP!!!!!!!  You know how they say to let go of the rope, well I missed that part.  I was being tossed around and getting beat down because of that.  OH that, and because the damn board wouldn’t come off of my feet.  I let go, and when they stopped laughing and could speak, they told me that looked like it hurt…  NO SHIT!!!!!!!!  But I had to redeem my self, ok lets go one more time.  This time I started in the water, which is what I should have done the first time.  I got up on the 5^th try.  I was doing good and had the great idea of lets jump the wake.  My son tells me that I was about 8 ft in the air.  That is nice because it felt like I was about 30 ft in the air when I hit the water.  This time I let go of the rope.  That was the end of my wakeboarding carrier.  I wiped out near the dock so I just floated over.  I needed help getting out of the water because of the damn board.  When I am out and setting on the dock the next FUN is trying to get this thing off my feet.  I hope on to the dock while someone pulls.  Smack!!!!!!!!  Out comes one foot and someone goes in the water.  We got the other one off some what the same way.  I stand up and get ready to take the vest off when I see that someone is holding a bottle of oil.  That’s messed up… that’s all I will say about that.  When I get the vest off someone tells me that I have a perfect line down my face, some what pink on one side and RED on the other.   Needless to say that it was time for a drink or three.  As everyone proceeded to tell me that they haven’t laugh that hard in a long time, I couldn’t help but think that I haven’t hurt that much in a long time.  From that moment on I was asked over and over if I would come back to the lake with them every weekend.   
 

yesterday was my house warming party. im still feeling it, woke up sore my bones hurt and the lakers might loose this seriers. i had my house warming party yesterday and wow did i get drunk. i bought a bottle of jager, 30 pack of tecates (for the wozard game), and a 12 pack of piramid hef. but that was only my purchase, Griff got another bottle of jager and a bag fool of red bulls. every other guest showed up with there own 12 pack every cold beer out there.

i remeber the beging very clearly, some music a lot of beers shot… damn the truth is i dont remember when 3/4 of the people left my house shit i was fucked up. some people from work came and that was dope cant wait 2 talk to them tomorrow. some old friends came it was crazy 2 see them again its always good times when they come through.

ill update this post with the stories that my guests they should be really good and i think Griff has pics…

so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
bryan is a rugby player… so a big guy
so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there’s this guy in there taking a shit
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks ‘oh shit… if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i’d want to fuck him up… so i’d better hit him first’
so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy… WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

A couple days a go a few of us went to have some drinks. We drank beer, Jagger shot, beer, Jagger shot…etc. Needless to say that at the end of the night we were all pretty F’ed up. The drive home was a bitch, I could barely keep my car in my lane…and I had to pee like a race horse.

I got home, somehow managed to back my car into the garage, even with another car already in there. I seriously don’t know how I managed to not scratch the hell out of my car. Then I had to walk(stumble) to my front door, when I got to the grass I tripped and fell on my face. After some cursing I tried getting up, only to fall back down again on my back. At this point i’m in the fukitall mood and decide my lawn is as good as my bed for sleeping.

I don’t know how long I was out, but a friend called to see if I got home safely, and that woke me up. Making it to my front door still seemed like a mission, so Ilayed there a while longer until my neighbor came out and saw me there. Being a concerned neighbor he asked me if I was drunk, I said yes, and he said “Alright then, see you later” and walked away.

And yes, I eventually did go inside to sleep. I still had to work the next morning.

True story from Orange County: A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing. This true story was told by the driver at his first AA meeting, according to the newspaper account.