I came across these rules and some of them were funny take in the ones you like.

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during Happy Hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
4. Change your toast at least once a month.
5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
9. Get the bartender’s attention with eye contact and a smile.
10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
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so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
so i helped him walk to the toilet
all the stalls were occupied
bryan is a rugby player… so a big guy
so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
and there’s this guy in there taking a shit
and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
then (this is genius) bryan thinks ‘oh shit… if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i’d want to fuck him up… so i’d better hit him first’
so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
and runs away
imagine being that guy… WORST NIGHT OUT EVER