This Girl has the right Idea. Women and Beer a Beautiful combination.

A couple days a go a few of us went to have some drinks. We drank beer, Jagger shot, beer, Jagger shot…etc. Needless to say that at the end of the night we were all pretty F’ed up. The drive home was a bitch, I could barely keep my car in my lane…and I had to pee like a race horse.

I got home, somehow managed to back my car into the garage, even with another car already in there. I seriously don’t know how I managed to not scratch the hell out of my car. Then I had to walk(stumble) to my front door, when I got to the grass I tripped and fell on my face. After some cursing I tried getting up, only to fall back down again on my back. At this point i’m in the fukitall mood and decide my lawn is as good as my bed for sleeping.

I don’t know how long I was out, but a friend called to see if I got home safely, and that woke me up. Making it to my front door still seemed like a mission, so Ilayed there a while longer until my neighbor came out and saw me there. Being a concerned neighbor he asked me if I was drunk, I said yes, and he said “Alright then, see you later” and walked away.

And yes, I eventually did go inside to sleep. I still had to work the next morning.

True story from Orange County: A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing. This true story was told by the driver at his first AA meeting, according to the newspaper account.

SAM: “What’s new, Normie?”
NORM: “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach & they’re demanding beer.”

SAM: “What’d you like, Normie?”
NORM: “A reason to live. Give me another beer.”

SAM: “What’ll you have Normie?”
NORM: “Well, I’m in a gambling mood, Sammy. I’ll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.”
SAM: “Looks like beer, Norm.”
NORM: “Call me Mister Lucky.”

WOODY: “What’s the story, Mr. Peterson?”
NORM: “The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let’s cut to the happy ending.”

WOODY: “Hey, Mr. Peterson, there’s a cold one waiting for you.”
NORM: “I know. If she calls, I’m not here.”

SAM: “Beer, Norm?”
NORM: “Have I gotten that predictable? Good.”

WOODY: “How’s it going, Mr. Peterson?”
NORM: “Poor.”
WOODY: “I’m sorry to hear that.”
NORM: “No, I mean pour.”

SAM: “What’s going down, Normie?”
NORM: “My butt cheeks on that bar stool.”

WOODY: “Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
NORM: “All right, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty.”

SAM: “What’s the story, Norm?”
NORM: “Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.”

WOODY: “What’s going on, Mr. Peterson?”
NORM: “The question is what’s going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.”

WOODY: “Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?”
NORM: “A little early isn’t it, Woody?”
WOODY: “For a beer?”
NORM: “No, for stupid questions.”

What is the difference between a Good Bartender or a Bad Bartender? We’ve all been upset at poor service but equally I know when I get good service, I remember it! So what are the things that annoy or impress us? A good Bartender:

• Always acknowledges customers at the bar.
• Can take more than one order at a time.
• Pours the pint of Guinness first when dispensing a large order.
• Puts your change in your hand and not on the bar counter.
• Offers to carry the drinks to the table for you when necessary.
• Can explain the difference between different quarter bottles of wine.
• Takes pride in their uniform.
• Prepares sufficient lemon slices in the morning.
• Does not raise their eyes to heaven when asked for an Irish Coffee.
• Knows how to change ashtrays (outside these days..) without ash flying everywhere.
• Does not put their fingers into glasses when clearing tables.
• Knows what’s going on in the area when asked by customers.
• Knows a number for local taxis.
• Takes orders from customers in rotation, without leaving anyone waiting longer than others.
• Asks if the customer would like ice in their mineral water.
• Asks if ice and/or lemon are required in vodka/gin/bacardi.
• Knows how to clean the draught lines (even though he doesn’t have to any more…).
• Understands the importance of discretion.
• Presents the pint glass with the logo facing you.
• Holds glasses a couple of inches below the rim when serving.
• Thanks customers for their business when they are leaving.
• Asks customers if they would like another drink when the glass is almost empty.

A bad Bartender

• Talks to some customers at length while others are left waiting.
• Never washes their hands despite handling glasses by the rim.
• Arrives late and leaves early.
• Is always wondering when they can get their “staff drink”.
• Doesn’t record or care about waste.
• Takes orders from the pretty girls first.
• Dispenses free drinks to the pretty girls “on the house”.
• Adds ice and lemon to drinks as standard.
• Lets the tap run for a second or two before placing the glass underneath.
• Adjusts the gas setting of each tap before pouring a pint.
• Scratches their head and their face during service.
• Doesn’t wear full uniform.
• Encourages friends to drink in the bar when (s)he is on duty.
• Leaves the Cash Drawer open in the cash register.
• Never gives a receipt.
• Hates the thought of serving food.
• Doesn’t know what cutlery/condiments are needed for each dish/drink served.